i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
