Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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