im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
