HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Randomize
