he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she pinky promised me she was 18
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
