someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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