just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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