Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
