There was a lot of him and a little penis
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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