He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
