I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
