doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
