I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Randomize
