Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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