dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
