I just threw up on my dentist
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
