omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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