So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
