There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
