Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
