Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
