you would pick up someone in the library
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
