i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
