Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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