Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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