what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
