So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize