I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I love you. Go after that dick
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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