Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
