I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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