Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize