I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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