I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
