I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
