I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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