someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
