I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
