I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
