sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
