I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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