I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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