But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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