Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
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This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
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He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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