Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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