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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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