tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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