If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
