marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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