How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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