dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
