I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
