Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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