JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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