Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
