She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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