So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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