I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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