Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hate your face
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
