I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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