I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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