how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
