did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
