Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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