I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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