yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
