why didn't you poke me back
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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