I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
