I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
