Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
