hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
