I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
