Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
