A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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