so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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