i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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