pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He kissed a someone with a penis
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
