Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
