i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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